This is it | THE WORLD OF BRIAN SMITH www.twobs.com

Ponderosa/Mt Pleasant/Michigan Last Will & Testament

Alright, I've put this off long enough. And frankly I haven't typed it up yet because I just want to forget about Ponderosa and the whole Michigan experience (well most of it). So here I am, about to just bang this out so I can spit out some memories and then just clear them out of my head. I can't say that my total experience in Michigan was horrible and what not, but it completely side tracked my path. But all of that doesn't matter, cause it was part of our path, and that's why we went there. So with the help of a few friends, I've come up with this handy little list of things to "leave" people. ((No, Brent, I don't actually own anything at Ponderosa–why would i want to?–but I think you didn't understand the whole point of this as I worked on it my last few days at work–so I'll just take what you said as your last chance to rain on my parade–yeah, too bad I was wearing a raincoat)).

Ponderosa People

to Krissy - the T section, a 12 pack, all day-shifts, breakfast shift on the weekends that are actually busy, your 9am server coming in on time western weekend, a man who has a job, someone to shoot the shit with, and some makeup to cover any black eyes in the future

to Deb - a severance check with an early retirement package, unlimited ice or just one of those machines that makes ice so you don't have to fill it, 168 cups, folded napkins, a closer that actually restocks, open to 4 Monday thru Friday money without actually having to work

to Marvin - my Main Man. A backup dishwasher who's awesome, sound effects in the dish room, a new person to borrow money from, pictures from Manhattan and Jersey so you can remember home, and a 100 reggae cds

to Jen Sheriden - table 71, 2 football players, eye makeup, a couple black eyes, a cup to puke in, a tucked in shirt, a cigarette break, and stomach medicine to let yourself party on

to Sarah Dumas - that Ice Tea guy who hasn't come in for a while and used to sit in the booths, one Pat and Gerry table a week, smoking section on Thursday nights, pager number 4, and the recipe for Earth Punch (70% Lemonade, 25% Ice Tea, 5% Fruit Punch)

to Chris Hough - The huffstar, couple long sleeved shirts, staying up all night before a double, and bandanna lady in your section cause she loves you (and Tammy)

to Sherrod - Lebron's facial expressions, smoking section banquet room closing shift or being a first out, every girl's number in the whole world

to Steve - an alarm clock, a pint of jack, a pack of gum, a Guitar Hero player 2, and the ability to match shapes

to Greg - a challenging game of NCAA with controllers that actually both work, 4 hours a week, and someone to bus your tables

to Stephenie O'Brien - part time hours and someone to clean up the ice cream area after little kids destroy it

to Caroll - someone new to sing to her and never having to work seafood night on friday

to Courtney - unlimited Mountain Dew refills and all the guy's phone numbers

to Becky - an hour lunch rest and someone else to do prep and make salads

to Nicole - she wanted a boob job, a new car, and a vacation, but she'll have to settle for a 2 liter of Diet Coke

to Timmy - a basketball, a coach from the Big East, and some coleslaw

to Amanda - high heels and a silverware roller

to Ashley Hunter - a pregnant angel and a padded mat to fall onto

to Doda - orange section and those guys who call you Do-Da (2 ice teas and 2 pepsis)

to Tony - the pondo myspace page, a deep voice, and the nickname Two-Tone

to Lisa - pager number 5

to Stacey Reid - someone to vent to, a sketchy guy with his hat pulled down at O'Kellys, your college degree so you can be done already, partying down on your birthday, and a e-pail to keep in touch with

to Robby - a night at the bar, a game of pool, tossing the darts, a few rounds of jack and cokes, the Pistons and Chris Webber

to Johnny Beem - a mohawk

to Kris Beem - my replacement, and a bet you'll never win

to Lindsay - the name Zindsay and a game of air hockey

to Josh Colombini - a winning fantasy team, a tennis match victory, and a Guitar Hero face off

to Chris Colombini - Jordan on expert level

to Josh Ruth - Tim Lincecum, another Barry Bonds home run, and the remote to the TV

to Sara Guzowski - closing shift on a Friday and then opening shift on a Saturday with the ability to know the difference from when I'm joking around and when I'm not

to Steph Meckoff - actually she's the one who needs the alarm clock, but how about we just don't schedule you to open on the weekends

to Nic - the venture brothers and a steak re-cook slip with the belief that you actually care

to Nelson - just a job somewhere else so you don't always have to be at Pondo every day of the week

to Kim - a mop to mop the floor with and another closing shift

to Mack - the right to seat people in your section when you are in a good mood and the opposite when you are in a bad mood

to Andrea - 3 jobs and a skin tone that doesn't require you to go to the tanning salon to shade

to Jackie Jaxa - a big pile of E-Clubs so you can catch Deb and Krissy

to Travis - day shift hours so you can work with your mom, the Pondo NCAA college file

to Monica - the nickname MONTY and it better freakin' stick

to Ashley King - a smile even if you hate being told what to do

to Neil - how about a retirement party

to Joe - a ride home, NOT

to May - a chair to sit down in

to Stacy Brown - 50hrs a week and a key to the front door

to Jessica Kroll - you can have purple 12-4 M thru F and the Rolling Stone cover that had Jack Bauer on it that you ripped off my copy without asking

to Jen Martin - kid's night, somebody to wipe down the buffet area, respect from your employees as a manager

to Jim - hangover medicine, Kenny in your section, bowling tricks, new servers to train, the football team including a poster autographed by the whole team, and a Magglio walk off home run

to Randy - a winning season for the lions, cold soggy fries, a Cotton Eyed Joe Riverdance at the Wayside, and Magic-Balloon-Michael

to Brent - a winning football/basketball team at Mich State, turning Pondo into a club at close, an employee who never complained to you once about what section he got or what hours he got without asking for anything in return, punching in on time and checking the log to reaffirm that, a positive attitude at all times, this list cause apparently you have to actually own something to give it away

to Kelly - an mp3 player with everyone's favorite songs on it so you can play it at close and be cool and an ice machine that never breaks

to Tammy - a box of lemons, a month long vacation twice a year, a college degree, a spell checker and grammar police, a season pass to Cedar Point and transportation to get there

to the Managers in general - how to respect and appreciate your employees, even if they are just minimum wage replaceable subordinates

to Rich/Darren - resubmitting the survey answers I typed up at home cause I guess I didn't click the final button at the end and I had some pretty priceless long-winded responses, but in the end I couldn't care less to even bother

Customers

to the Whiteheads - Table 42 for 3 hours on a Friday night and a couple rounds of Diet Pepsi

to Carroll - Table 65, 2 pepsis and a water

to her brother Jim - a hot tea and no service cause you stopped tipping me a long time ago, but I'll still talk about the Tigers with you

to Pat & Gerry - a pitcher of tea, ketchup, A1, and 2 ribeyes (well and medium well), plus a side of mushrooms, coffee with cream if its breakfast time

to redbird lady - a bowl of lemons and a half cup of water with no ice

to that couple that didn't like me last summer - a reason to not like me

to the CMU Football Team - Great service for 75 cents a piece. Quit making them run around for you, you're so needy.

to the corn family - a table to eat off of and 2 extra sides of mushrooms

to bandana lady - Chris as your server and lessons on how to use a bissel. Quit leaving a huge mess and stiffing them every time.

Mt Pleasant/Michigan People

to Todd Rigney - an obscure greatest hits collection from the 80's and early 90's and a big ole pile of steaming Ballsagna

to Paula - Thom Kha chicken soup and the recipe and vendor list for it

to Clay - the Tigers actually having a good team for once and apparently a no hitter for Verlander

to Brad - another Grad Student as awesome as Sara

to Peter Mackinlay - biomixers and a party in the loft at the Brass Cafe

to Darren - many late nights mixing it up at the Bird, Heroes, an attempt to get you started with Lost, a sidekick who's into Politics as much as I am into Sports, a Kirby demonstration, a hook up, Ben Rickle, an apartment so I can come turn the heat up on you when I stay over, a job while Rhylynd is at school, something to do all summer while Rhylynd is at his mothers, some cds for your car, and a place to unwind in Mt Pleasant after dropping the boy off. Thanks for keeping me somewhat sane in Mt P dude! I'll miss ya!

I leave myself the title of Employee of the Month for any of the months that I worked because it will bother me 'til my grave that they never rewarded me for all of my hard work, dedication, and commitment to excellence that I put into that place.